Responses from the White Butterfly Reflection Services
Hi Andrew and Vanessa,
I was up visiting last weekend with Ellen and Joel and had the privilege attending white butterfly day. It was lovely to meet you in person Vanessa, after hearing about how awesome you are from Ellen in the past few years!
I was so blessed by your message of hope to the community and the whole event was just beautiful.
Please commend yourselves and the team on their great effort in pulling the whole event together, everything from the music, dance, poetry, message and connection with other women and families was just so refreshing…a glimpse of heaven!! It was so beautiful …particularly the thought that these children don’t have to experience the brokenness of existing in this world was a great insight as was the whole idea of ‘Mystery’ – it was so impacting… for me the whole ‘why’ question was a big one but understanding this mystery is known by God is very comforting…
I was so blessed by the strength and reliance upon God you demonstrated through being so involved when it is all still so raw for you both thanks for sharing part of your journey with us. May God continue to meet your every need…keep up the good work and thanks again.
Katherine
The White Butterfly Project gave me a chance to grieve the early loss of our fourth child.
It was something my wife and I didn’t really talk about when it happened, and looking back now, I think I passed off the miscarriage as “women’s business”. A couple of years ago we attended the first White Butterfly Project service to give ourselves and our four girls a chance to say goodbye to Jesse. I wasn’t expecting to be touched the way God did that day.
God provided an outlet for the emotion I had un-knowingly bottled up all those years. He showed me that He has care of my Jesse, and that He is a much better Father than I could ever be to any child.
Now we talk about Jesse all the time at home, and our beautiful daughters often remind me if I forget our fifth child – Jesse.
Trevor Davis
We lost our fourth baby 6.5yrs ago at about 8 weeks. It was a time of quiet sadness that was pushed to the back of my mind and a part of my heart was shut down. We didn’t tell family and didn’t feel like it was reasonable to mourn the loss of our tiny baby.
The anguish of having no grave, burial or any honorable end to our baby’s life was one of the biggest heartaches of that time. I felt that by the way it all happened (as it does with such a tiny baby) I hadn’t respected or honoured the life that was. All I could manage was a cry to God of “take care of Jesse” and shed tears after the moment I knew I had lost our baby. After that it didn’t seem socially right to talk, reflect on or grieve this baby.
The very first White Butterfly Day was a welcome opportunity to introduce our 4 girls to their sibling. Through doing that together and attending the beautiful service we have found such freedom to remember and speak of Jesse regularly.
The best part for me (and one of the most healing) was writing a personal message to Jesse and releasing it with a balloon. I was able to finally voice the love and honour the memory of my tiny baby that I had known of since just 2 weeks pregnant. It was a turning point for me and Trev together too. We could talk together about Jesse for the first time and grieve together.
Now when I think of Jesse, it’s not the shame of a life that slipped silently away. It’s a warm memory of a beautiful memorial day that honoured Jesse and gave our family a voice to our loss and love.